Not Like This
by Orage
Summary: Sequel to One Last Lie. Finally.
1. it never happened

Disclaimer: Marvel's, not mine.

A good ol' fashion piece of revenge.

_You no longer thrill me_

_All you do now is stand in my way._

_I held on too long,_

_I did everything wrong,_

_But I hope you'll be missing me,_

_Like I will miss you._

_I wouldn't say I've moved on,_

_I wouldn't say I'm close to okay._

_Or that you no longer fill me,_

_Or no longer stand in my way._

_And I'm not too proud to admit to you now,_

_That I'm still nothing more than a wreck._

_The Perishers_

………………………………………..

The snow had fallen three days ago. As Remy LeBeau walked across it, the frozen top layer cracked beneath his boots.

If he wanted to, he could glide upon it, without making a sound. At this point, however, secrecy and surprise were not needed.

He hated the snow. He hated the fucking cold. His hands began to glow pink through his leather black gloves, but a light smirk played upon his features.

A near death experience is often said to be enlightening, and for Remy it was. The closer he got to the front door of the illustrious mansion, the more the memories flashed before his eyes.

He stomped the snow off his boots as he walked up the cement stairs. One finger reached out to press the tiny gray doorbell.

But he didn't have to press it. The door opened before he could.

Remy stared at the woman in front of him. She was still striking, despite the toddler attached to her hips.

"Remy."

It wasn't a question. But her eyes held no anger, resentment or fear. She stepped aside, gesturing him inside, feigning her surprise as she did.

Perhaps time had covered over the blunt of his past mistakes.

"Bonjour Jean." Remy whispered as he brushed past her, inside.

She shut the large wood door behind her using her telekinesis, and followed behind Remy, as he surveyed the front entrance.

"Nothin' changes round' here, huh Jean?"

"Actually, Remy, everything has changed."

Remy swallowed, and spun slowly around, his eyes moving to the small girl in Jean's arms. His eyes next roamed to the ring on Jean's finger.

"You married Scott."

"Remy," Jean began, but then paused, setting the child down on the floor. "I know this may sound strange, but, are you alright?"

Remy snorted.

"De X-Men left me to die in a frozen wasteland. I'll never be able to enjoy de winter season again." His voice was so quiet, too calm for a man obviously burdened by betrayal.

Jean's eyes roamed over Remy's attire. Layer upon layer. Despite the snow, it was nearly Spring.

She cleared her throat, and met his gaze.

"Why don't you stay Remy? Just for now. What happened in Antarctica affected us all."

He had designed a million comebacks for every X-Man's excuse. But he kept his mouth shut, and nodded. Jean gave a half smile, and grabbed the young girl's hand, leading the way upstairs.

"This is my daughter Remy. Her name is Rachel." Jean smiled at the girl. "Rachel, can you say hello to Remy?"

Remy looked at the girl and wondered if she was scared of his red eyes. But she simply smiled and waved, then buried her face against her mother's leg.

"What's it like Jean?"

She looked surprised, before answering. "What Remy? Being a mother?"

"Yeah."

He looked genuinely curious, and Jean felt a wave of nostalgia pass through the air.

"It's wonderful Remy. I just wish I could raise her somewhere else." She met his eyes, and Remy felt his first pains of love and comfort in three years. He smiled.

"We, uh, saved your room," Jean opened the door in front of her, walking into the cold room. "If I had known you were coming, I would have turned on the heater." She rushed over to the far wall, her fingers playing with a dial.

She walked back towards the door, where her daughter sat watching Remy with intense green eyes. "Well, everything should be as you left it Remy. I'll let you settle in, but why don't you join me in the kitchen later?"

Remy nodded, moving a little further into the room. "Thanks Jean."

"Come on Rachel, lets go have a snack," Jean motioned to the girl, who instantly smiled at the mention of food, jumping up, she ran out the door. Jean paused at the doorway, her hands resting against the frame.

"Remy, it is good to see you again. But, you should know that, there are people here who won't be happy that," she paused, searching for the right word.

"Won't be happy I'm here?" Remy gave a nervous smile.

Jean gave a forced expression, somewhere between a smile and a frown, before slipping out of sight.

The truth was, he was prepared for anything they had to say. The little girl, Rachel, was the first person to invoke such warm feelings in him, since he had made it back to civilization. And he knew why.

The X-Men had moved on. Everything had changed, like Jean had said. Remy had imagined so much.

An entire life.

He knew now that wasn't possible. The devil didn't lead a normal life.

And still, he wondered what she looked like now.

…………………………………………………..

Remy stood nearly pressed against the large space heater, as he gazed out the living room window. The snow had begun to melt overnight, as it had rained heavily.

A quick shudder ran through his body, a movement he hardly noticed anymore.

"Ya don't smell the same kid. Almost didn't recognize ya."

The voice was still gruff, but a gentle tone belied his position.

"I quit smokin' Logan." Remy turned around, smiling slightly. "And de harsh Arctic winds probably ripped away everythin' else."

Logan nodded, as if in understanding.

"It wasn't the team's decision to leave you there bub."

Remy swallowed, his smile becoming an upset mixture. His hands unconsciously reached out for the heater behind him.

"If you're back from de mission, does dat mean-

"She ain't here."

Remy nodded again, not really wanting to know where she was. Not yet.

"So," Remy began, quickly trying to change the subject. "Who do I need to be watching out for here?"

Logan crossed his arms, and moved towards the window.

"All the members with a clean past. The one's who ain't got a clue what it's like to be on the other side."

"Except Warren?"

There was a cool hint of warning from Remy's tone as he spoke. Logan turned his head sideways, eying the Cajun.

"Angel's always been selfish Gambit. Always linking his emotions to his actions. But, he ain't with our team anymore."

Remy nodded calmly, his eyes watching the rain slow down outside.

"He left after the trial actually."

"At least he had a choice."

"What are ya doing back here Gambit?"

Remy could sense the man's closeness, but he made no move to face him.

"I'm here to see Rogue."

…………………………………………..

Remy pulled his old guitar out from behind the clothes hanging in his closet. He stared at the strings, reaching down and strumming a few.

So much was gone. He slunk back to his bed, resting on the edge

And then he began to play, softly. His eyes wandered around the room, his lips partly open, as if to sing. But nothing came out.

He could feel his foot begin to tap, his fingers restlessly moving against the strings, his body seemingly in tune. But his mind was elsewhere, without feeling.

It was all just fucking numb.

Standing up, a burst of rage causing his mutant power to nearly brim, Remy flung the guitar hard against the wall, listening to the wood crack.

He had tried so many activities, so many he had once enjoyed. But nothing. Nothing was there.

"Surely the guitar did not deserve that my friend?"

Remy swallowed, his exasperated feelings hanging, stuck down his throat. Slowly, he turned his head to the side.

"Only as much as I did Ro'."

He could feel the otherwise calm woman bristle slightly, but she held her composure well.

"You play beautifully Remy. I had no idea."

Remy took a deep breath, and looked back towards the wall, his hands resting against his thighs.

"If only I could feel that with you Storm."

Storm took a few steps towards Remy soundlessly. She moved like he did.

She sat by his side, her warm hand reaching out for his cold one.

"You can Remy. And you will."

Remy felt a still peace fill his lungs. He began to breath easy. Relax.

"Every X-Man knows how to endure. We always-

Remy was off the bed instantly, without a moment for Storm to reach for his hand, to stop him.

"I ain't an X-Man Storm. Dat part of my life is over and done with."

He could see her confusion, a light dusting within her eyes.

"Then-then why are you here Remy? Do you not wish to stay?"

"I just came t'see her chere." His muscles began to tense again. He could feel the light spasms, so weak. Flooding through his nerves. He knew she could see it.

He was vulnerable.

"Rogue?"

He could see the caution leave her lips as she said the name.

"Remy," Storm paused, her jaw shaking slightly in consideration. "Rogue won't be back for awhile."

……………………………..

"Why?" Remy asked with trepidation.

"Well, she could be back today. We just have no way of knowing really," Storm continued. "She has adapted your lifestyle. She comes and goes as she pleases. She has become very reclusive."

"Then why do you keep her on as an X-Man?"

Storm smiled. "For the same reason we kept you Remy."

But Remy couldn't smile back. "You didn't keep me chere. You left me in de snow to die."

Ororo, who so valiantly held her emotions in, cracked at his words, letting her shoulders slump, and her mouth part.

She stood up, a motion that caused Remy to reflexively shuffle back. The hurt washed briefly over her eyes, but she straightened her composure, and kept her hands to her side.

"Remy, I can not speak for the team. But were I in Rogue's position," Storm paused, searching Remy's eyes, for any recollection of the man she once knew. "I would never have left you."

What he wanted to say was, "I believe you." But with his loss of feelings went his ability to trust.

Storm gave a small nod, and turned around, heading for the door.

"Why didn't y'come back for me den?"

It was practically a whisper. A whisper lined with a seething tone. But Storm was already gone.

No one to respond.

……………………………………………………

Remy wandered down the empty hallway, towards the kitchen. He could see a light spilling out into the hall, and he began to proceed on quieter steps.

He caught sight of her red hair first. A green coffee cup sat in front of her huddled figure, steam rising up to the ceiling.

"Are you de only telepath left here Jean?"

He thought she would have picked up his presence in the room, but instead she nearly fell from her stool, knocking the coffee cup over. The contents began to puddle and drip down the countertop.

"Shit!"

She glanced quickly at Remy before reaching for the towel hanging from the refrigerator. Remy walked to the sink, rinsing out a sponge, and returning to Jean's position.

"You still afraid of me Jean?"

Jean continued to wipe vigorously at the floor, but paused to brush the hair from her face, eyeing Remy as she did so.

"I was never afraid of you Remy."

Remy kept a stern gaze on her as he sponged up the bulk of the liquid.

"Even when I had dat implant in my brain?"

Jean's motions began to slow, as she rested her hands on her knees.

"Even then Remy."

Remy took the cloth from her hand, and finished cleaning up the mess, as Jean stood up.

"Dat's good chere. I'm actually a pretty nice guy."

Jean let out a loud sigh, seating herself back on the stool.

"I know that Remy."

Remy stood up and moved to the sink, washing out the rag and sponge, his back to Jean.

"You're giving a lot'o short answers Jean." He turned the faucet off, and swung slowly around to face her. "You ok?"

Jean gave a warm, but offhanded smile. "You would have been a good telepath Remy."

"That's fair Jean. You don't have t'say anything."

Jean opened her mouth, but was interrupted when Logan entered the kitchen.

"Hey Jean, yer kid's callin' for ya."

She nodded, slipping from her seat. "Thanks Logan." She gave a tight smile in Remy's direction and left the room.

"You know," Logan began, moving towards the counter. Remy remained at his position by the sink, his elbows resting back. "I knew you were down in the tunnels that day. Maybe even before that day." His tone had turned to an interval meant only for Remy.

Remy's face remained placid, unchanging, but his arms lifted away from the counter, and crossed across his chest.

"Dat so?"

Logan pointed to his nose. "I could smell ya all over that sewer."

"Den why didn't you say anything to da team?"

"Because kid, I hoped ta death I was wrong."

Remy kept his eyes on Logan, nodding slowly, his mouth curving, unwillingly into a smirk.

"Sorry I disappointed you."

"One day this team's gonna expect an explanation bub."

Remy pushed himself away from the sinks edge, towards the island in the center of the kitchen.

"Speakin' o'de team. What's up wit' Jean?"

"You've been gone a long time Gumbo."

Remy leaned across the counter, eyes squarely focused on Logan.

"I know dat mon ami." He leaned back, giving a smile. "Dat's why I'm asking."

"Scott left her."

Remy wasn't really expecting that. He gave a confused laugh and crossed his arms again.

"She's still wearing her wedding ring."

Logan gave a loud sigh, moving away from the counter.

"She probably thinks he'll come back."

"Where'd he go?"

"To Emma Frost, in Massachusetts."

Remy smiled as he watched Logan leave the kitchen, obviously done with their conversation. Not even the most trusting could be trusted with love.

………………………………………….

The next morning Remy woke up in a sweat. Ripping the covers off, he leaned over to the bedside table, opening a small drawer. Inside were several orange bottles filled with pills. Quickly, he popped the lid off of one and swallowed two.

He climbed out of bed, rubbing his forehead. He could see frantic images in front of his eyes, always confusing him with their insanity. Slowly, with the help of the pills, they calmed down.

It was 4:30 in the morning.

Remy slipped a pair of jeans on. He didn't feel like searching for a shirt, even though he could feel the goosebumps swell. His skin was always battling the cold, even in the blistering sun.

He walked silently downstairs, the ticking of a grandfather clock the only noise. He missed this sort of solitude. But he would not allow it to become comfortable again.

The moonlight shone through the kitchen window. As he reached the archway, he could see the silhouette resting against the counter. Her head was down, watching the liquid of her drink swirl in her glass.

The lighting perfected her features, illuminating her flawless skin. Her long layered hair was let down, cascading over her dark green body suit.

The only thing Remy could do was watch.

She pushed herself away from the counter and sat down on one of the barstools, resting her elbows down, letting her fingers fall through her hair, eyes still downcast. He wanted to see her eyes again.

With her back towards him, he inched closer.

She lifted her head up, and Remy paused, slightly startled. But she hadn't seen him. Unsteadily, she rose the glass to her mouth, sipping at the clear liquid as if it were water. He could hear the ice clinking in the glass.

His eyes wandered to the edge of the counter, where a bottle of gin sat, condensation dripping down the side.

And then there was a sick pull in Remy's stomach, one that enjoyed seeing her turmoil. He moved closer.

He was so close now, but she still did not sense him.

He wanted to hear her excuses for leaving him to die. He had been a different man when he had loved her. She could have told him anything, and he would never have left her to die.

Rogue set her empty glass down on the counter, her long nails tapping the glass.

Remy reached for the bottle, as he watched her eyes rise. The emeralds he had been waiting to see.

Her mouth parted open slowly, her eyes darting straight for his familiar red and black eyes. He could see her grip the glass tighter, cautious so as to not break it.

Slowly, he twisted the cap off the bottle of gin. Closing in, Remy leaned over and filled her glass.

Her reaction was slow, her eyes glancing briefly down at her glass, as Remy moved to get a glass of his own.

He filled his cup with ice, and took a seat across from Rogue. She was still beautiful, stunning really, but the worn features were visible regardless.

He smiled as he took a drink from his own glass.

She was breathing heavy. Heavier after he smiled.

"Remy? What-Ah haven't-

She stammered out those words as he set his glass back down.

"Haven't what chere?"

He watched her eyes close briefly as he said chere.

"Ah thought ya were dead."

"Wasn't dat de point?"

Her shoulders fell, as did her eyes. "Ah never meant for that ta happen Remy. Your voice was in my head too."

Remy nodded, his eyes glancing to the side in disbelief. He took another gulp of his drink.

"So, it's my fault den Rogue? I wanted t'die?'

She looked back up, her eyes slightly red, as if she were holding back tears.

"Ah went back for ya Remy. Even though the entire team was against ya."

"De team wouldn't of left me t'die Rogue."

She swallowed tightly, and took another drink.

"Something's obviously bothering you chere."

"Ah'm fine Remy." She was chipping away at something non existent on the counter. She glanced back in his direction. "Why'd you come back here?"

"Ta rejoin de X-Men."

Her glass did break then, her strength shattering it.

The gin poured out over her hand and the counter, one of the glass shards cutting into her thumb. Her blood tainted the liquor, offsetting the color. Slowly, she drug her hand away from the mess, and fingered the cut.

Remy slipped off his stool, grabbing a towel from a kitchen drawer, and a sponge from the sink, watering them both down, for the second time that day.

He walked around the counter, to Rogue's side. They watched each other cautiously.

"You aren't wearing gloves."

Rogue hesitated, her eyes watching the blood leak from the cut.

"Ah, uh, Ah learned ta control my powers."

He didn't question her honesty. Even if she had been tricking him, he would have taken the risk, as he reached out for her bare skin.

He ran the wet cloth over her cut, his hand gentle against her own. She was quivering beneath his skin. He had only felt her skin like this one time.

"Why're ya helping me Remy? Ah could do it myself."

Remy nodded as he continued to clean her wound.

"One o'dese days chere, dat fear you have o'truly caring for another person will disappear." He ripped a piece of the cloth and wrapped it around her thumb. "I hope."

Remy moved away, scooping up the glass with the sponge.

"Ah cared about you Remy."

Remy gave a cold laugh, turning back around to face her.

"I don't believe you."

Rogue stood up, the anger of her movements knocking the stool to the ground.

"Don't forget what you did Remy," Rogue seethed. "If there's anyone not worth trusting in this situation, it's you."

Rogue stormed out of the kitchen, as Remy swept the glass into the palm of his hand.

He walked to the trash, emptying his hand. He reached for his own glass, still intact, and finished his drink in one slow gulp.

She always had a way with words.


	2. what if i never came back

Disclaimer: Marvel's, not mine.

Thanks to the reviewers so far. I will have more time to reply later on. I will be on vacation for the next two months, and will not update until I return. I am posting two chapters to suffice until then.

Oh, and this is an angsty fic. If you hate that genre, you probably shouldn't read this.

………………………………………………………..

The sun was back out again. In fact, as Remy stepped outside, he thought it was too warm for this time of year.

He let his sunglasses fall down from his hair, shading his sensitive eyes. He could see Ororo in the distance, against the side of the mansion, working on her garden.

"This your doing Stormy?"

She jutted her gardening shovel into the dirt and sat up on her heels.

"It is good to hear you call me that again Remy."

Remy smiled. "You hate dat name."

She stood up, brushing stray dirt from her pants.

"It is funny, my friend, the things you miss once they are gone."

Remy gave a solemn smile, his bangs falling in front of his eyes as he looked down.

"I appreciate de warmth Ro'."

Storm's eyes went downcast in solemn response. Remy knew she had not completely forgiven him, but she would pretend, the way friends often did with one another.

"I'll explain everything Storm."

"Are you coming back then Remy?"

"I'll give it a shot Ro'."

……………………………………………………..

"I have a wife."

He knew that grabbed her attention. Her back went straight against the meeting room chair.

"She was in trouble. She was dying. Essex offered a solution."

"That's why you betrayed us?"

Remy eyed Jean, watching her write notes on lined paper, as if she were his therapist.

"Some people would do anything for love, no Jean?"

"If you loved this woman, why didn't we ever hear about her Gumbo?"

"It wasn't really romantic love Logan. Our marriage was arranged."

Rogue relaxed at this. So she did still care. Of course she did. First loves were never forgotten. Remy wondered if they could even truly end.

"I just," Remy paused. "I cared about her. I left her, and felt I at least owed her her life."

"What about the lives of the Morlocks?"

Remy's eyes swerved menacingly sideways in Iceman's direction.

"I didn't know what was going to happen Bobby."

"Really?" Iceman continued, his casual smile in place.

"Really Drake. I ain't that kinda man."

Bobby snorted.

"Bobby," Jean warned from across the table. She turned to Remy. "Remy, the X-Men are known for giving second chances. If you really want to come back here, you are welcome."

"Why thank you Jean." Remy emphasized his last remark in Bobby's direction.

……………………………………

As the X-Men filed out of the meeting room, Remy followed behind Rogue. She hadn't said a word during the meeting, despite the eyes that had probed her. Everyone had expected her to yell.

Even Remy had been surprised when she didn't.

He moved up beside her in one quick stride. Her cold expression didn't change.

"Why're you doing this Remy?"

Her eyes darted in his direction briefly. Remy looked forward.

"It's just something I gotta do Rogue. For myself."

"Ya looking to wash away a little guilt Remy?" Rogue crossed her arms and stopped walking. The X-Men behind them continued walking, their eyes curiously watching the southerners.

Remy smiled, matching her own sarcastic grin. "Ain't dat why you joined de X-Men chere?"

Rogue bristled, her jaw tightening.

"Ah was nevah responsible for a massacre Remy."

"Non, but I wasn't directly responsible for a single one of dose deaths. Not like you were with Carol Danvers." His gaze became serious, as he watched her color palor at Carol's name.

"What do you want me ta say Remy?"

Remy reached one arm out, his fingers lifting her chin up slowly.

"I just want you to say you're sorry chere."

Rogue drug her chin across Remy's fingers languidly, her eyes half closed as she turned away.

And then she walked away.

Remy's eyes burned, but he smiled at her receding figure anyway.

……………………………………………………….

Rogue shut her door in slow motion. She could feel the voices fighting in her head. Her motions were jittery as she headed towards her dresser.

Most days she felt like she was going crazy. Maybe she was. In front of everyone else though, she liked to pretend like her insanity didn't exist. She knew it was in partial reaction to the pills Henry had given her to help with her control. She hadn't told him of the side effects. She didn't want to lose control again.

She pulled a small vile of whiskey out from her top drawer, unscrewing the cap. Dizzily, she took a long swig. Alcohol shut the voices up.

She laughed. It was loud, and constant. This happened sometimes. She didn't know what was so funny. She sat back on the edge of her bed, taking another gulp of the dark liquid.

She gazed to the side, looking out the window. Something had caught her attention. She wasn't sure what.

Standing up slowly, she moved to the window pane, fingertips lazily resting on the glass, sipping her whiskey.

There he was. Remy LeBeau, her long lost love. She snickered, her eyes narrowing. He was helping Ororo in her garden. It had to be an act. He couldn't possibly forgive the team for what happened.

There was a knock at her door. Rogue jolted, and hid her vile behind her window curtain.

"Come in!" It was hardly a yell. Rogue didn't even turn around.

"Hey Rogue."

"What's up Jean?"

The woman was a telepath. Rogue tried to avoid her eyes, her thoughts.

"I just wanted to talk to you about Remy."

Rogue gave a sarcastic grunt. "That ain't really a topic Ah want to discuss Jean."

"I know," Jean began slowly. "That's why I'm here. Remy is a part of this team now. I need to make sure you can function around him. I can't risk putting the team in danger."

"Shouldn't Ororo be talking to me bout' this?" Rogue let her eyes drift towards Jean, boredom lacing her worn out look.

"Rogue," Jean's expression tightened, hands going to her hips. "You know Ororo is the leader of the gold team. But, I have main leadership authority at the present time."

Rogue nodded, her eyes looking back outside. She didn't understand what she was feeling. Someone would tell her it was extreme guilt, but she would refuse it.

She heard Jean sigh. The woman moved closer.

"Rogue. Look, maybe you should make amends with Remy."

"Make amends with a murderer?"

Jean looked out the window, in Rogue's direction.

"Remy has apologized for his actions," Jean turned around. "Maybe you can do the same Rogue."

As the door shut behind Rogue, she pulled the whiskey vile out from behind the curtain, and took another long gulp.

………………………………………………………….

"Man I could use a cigarette."

Ororo gave a small laugh. "May I ask why you quit my friend? It does not seem like you."

Remy rested the shovel in the soft dirt, leaning against it.

"After Antarctica, I couldn't smoke. I wasn't strong enough. And whenever I tried, it was extremely painful. So, I quit."

Ororo nodded in silent understanding.

"But don't you worry Ro'. One o'dese days, I'll start up again."

Ororo rolled her eyes, and continued pulling weeds.

"It is not a habit I miss Remy."

Remy's eyes wandered up the building, towards the residential wing windows. He could feel eyes on him. Her image was hard to make out by the glare on the window, but the white stripe was unmistakable. Besides, he knew it was her bedroom window.

"So, what was Rogue like after de whole Antarctica ordeal anyway Ro'?"

Ororo let a tiny rain cloud water the soil, her eyes on the dirt.

"She tried to brush everything off at first. Eventually she became distant."

"Did she ever talk about what happened?"

Ororo paused; Remy could hear her bated breath. "No. She held everything in, like she always does. We suffered her actions instead."

"You almost sound bitter Stormy." Remy leaned against the shovel further, smirking.

Ororo wiped her brow, standing back up. She looked Remy in the eyes.

"That is because this team is falling apart."

Remy's smirk slowly disappeared at her serious tone.

"And you blame Rogue for dis?"

"No," Ororo began, "Of course not. But, after Antarctica Remy, no one was the same."

Remy nodded.

"Will you excuse me Ro'? I need some water."

Ororo nodded and returned to her weeding. Remy could see the question in her eyes before she looked to the soil. But she said nothing.

Remy headed back inside. He walked confidently to her bedroom. The door was open a crack, and silently, Remy slipped through, pushing the door lightly with his fingertip.

She was pressed forcefully against the window, her back towards him. Her hair was pulled back now, in a ponytail. And, a vial of whiskey rested between the fingers of her right hand.

Remy stretched himself out across her bed and watched her. Her back went ridged, and in an instant she had spun around, eyes wide, hands clenched.

"How often do y'drink chere?"

Rogue snorted, relaxing her shoulders and shoving the whiskey behind the curtains.

"That ain't your business Remy." She crossed her arms and moved closer. "What are ya doing here?"

As Remy crossed his arms above his head, resting against the head board, Rogue's eyes grazed over his body.

"Did you get what you wanted chere?"

Rogue's eyes flickered back up quickly, turning stern.

"Did you?"

Remy didn't smile, but watched with curiosity as she moved closer.

"Non."

Her arms leaned down on the mattress seductively, her mouth turning in a half smile.

"Well, Ah did sugah. And Ah don't need your guilt."

Remy smirked, and in one swift move his arms were around her waist, pulling her on top of him. She didn't fight it. Remy rolled on top of her. He knew how fast her moods could change.

"I've dreamt about dis for so long chere," Remy whispered, his mouth close to her left cheek. "It's strange de way you fit me."

"Ah nearly killed you Remy." Her breathing was heavy, but her muscles weren't tense and she didn't use her strength to kick him off.

"We both have pasts Rogue. But we can forget dem and move on."

His body was pressed so closely to hers that she couldn't resist. She agreed. Reaching one arm out, she wrapped her fingers around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

Remy smiled through the touch of her lips.

……………………………………………………………..


	3. alright

Disclaimer: Marvel's, not mine.

………………………………………………………….

Today wasn't really the same. It felt less numb, but as she stumbled out onto the balcony in her underwear and t-shirt not even the warm sun comforted her. She slumped down and let her legs swing off the edge, her forehead resting wearily against the railing.

"Do you feel sick?"

Rogue reached out for one of the wooden poles holding the banister up.

"No."

"Huh." Remy sat down by her side, but didn't touch her. His forehead rested against the wood as well, his eyes on her, to the side.

"How come you get a balcony and Ah don't?"

Remy smiled, one arm snaking in her direction, wrapping around her waist and pulling her closer.

"Are you okay chere?"

His voice was soft against her ear, triggering a set of nerves to shudder down her arm.

"We ain't like everyone else Remy. And Ah don't understand it."

Remy gave a loud sigh and rested his cheek against her let down hair.

"We weren't ever meant to be like other people Rogue. We've always been different."

He could feel her struggle slightly beneath him in resistance to his words.

"Ah mean our relationship Remy. We try and try, and nothing ever comes of it."

Remy tried to concentrate on the rising sun over the lake. He looked at the grass, the trees, the railing. Anything to keep his head resting against hers. But it wasn't in him.

He pulled away. Of course she felt it.

"Something always comes of it chere. There's always a lesson."

"Yeah, don't leave your lover t'die in the freezin' snow," Rogue sneered.

Remy's eyes blazed in her direction, watching her muscles tense in obvious frustration.

"You learned more den dat Rogue."

Her lips pursed, her eyes afraid to look into his.

"Of course Ah did Remy. It was hell for me."

He couldn't help but ask, to know the details. He wanted to hear her say it.

"What was hell?"

"All o'it."

That was it. As much as she would say, or that he could possibly ever hope to hear.

"I'm gonna take a shower," Remy muttered. He watched her nod slowly, her eyes still downcast.

He got up from his position and headed slowly to his private bathroom. Something kept him often unwillingly attached to this woman. She was like fucking fire. He could not let her go. He was fairly certain he would die of it someday.

He stripped off his jeans and started the water. He rubbed his face and swallowed hard at how thin he had become. People didn't seem to notice it like he did. But everything had changed after Antarctica.

Remy closed the glass sliding door after stepping into the shower. It was steaming hot. The only way he could take it these days.

He was in an impossible situation. People would tell him to turn back.

Rogue left him. She would always leave him.

His hands were resting against the tile, head bent down when the knock came lightly on the glass door. He didn't move.

"Yeah?"

He could hear the door sliding open. Looking down, behind him, he could see Rogue standing there, still in her shirt and underwear.

"Ah am sorry Remy."

Remy looked back to the wall, unable to move or respond. He heard her climb in. She let her body rest gently behind him. Melting right in.

He wasn't sure he should let this happen.

But his body told him otherwise, and turning around he pulled her into a hug. She was still clothed, the wet cloth clinging to her.

Her hair clung to the side of her face as Remy rested his palms on her cheeks. She might have been crying, but he couldn't tell.

Instead they stood there, under the water, as if it were the rain. He kissed her lips and was sure nothing would ever fit better than that.

…………………………………………………….

Remy found her tapping the salt shaker against the counter top, a zoned out expression on her face.

"What are y'doing Jean?"

"It's my night to make dinner," she replied half-heartedly.

"Uh-huh. It's coming along nicely I see." Remy looked around the empty kitchen and back to the woman on the stool.

"Why don't you let me make dinner tonight Jean." Remy moved to the fridge to inspect what he had to work with.

"You don't have to do that Remy," Jean waved a dismissive hand, but made no move to get up.

"Y'know I love to cook."

Jean smiled and nodded.

Remy pulled several things from the fridge and glided gracefully to a drawer on the other side of the kitchen, pulling out a good size pot and a large wok.

"Where's Rachel?"

He watched Jean bite her lip, eyebrows narrowing. She poured a small amount of salt onto the counter and twirled one finger through it.

"She's with her father."

"In Massachusetts?"

Remy turned the two back burners on, his back to her response.

But there was no response, at least not a verbal one. After a brief moment of silence, Remy turned back around.

Jean had her head in her hands. He didn't hear her crying, but he didn't have to. He moved to her side and sat on the stool next to her.

"We were that couple weren't we Remy?" Jean asked through her hands, her voice rough.

"What couple Jean?"

Jean looked up, her eyes red, but no tears visible.

"The perfect one. The couple everyone wanted to be."

Remy nodded yes in reply, mainly for Jean's benefit.

"You were a model couple Jean."

Jean nodded, sucking in a shaky breath and looking to the side.

"I don't understand what happened."

Remy looked down to the counter. He gave an inward sigh and stood up from the table, resting one hand on Jean's wrist.

Remy moved to the stovetop, slightly unsure of what to say next. He pulled out a cutting board and washed off some vegetables in the sink.

But he could sense everything Jean was feeling behind him, as if she were projecting it towards him.

"Y'know Jean, de woman I'm madly in love with left me to die in the cold snow," Remy began. "I lay there for a week." Remy turned around, a small knife in his hand. "But I couldn't get myself to hate her. Now, dat is confusion."

"What are you saying Remy? That Scott just stopped loving me? That's the answer right there in black and white?"

Remy smiled lightly and nodded. "Non chere. I'm saying Scott's as confused as you. I have no doubt dat boy loved you. But it's what you can take, non?" Remy turned back around.

"You know, I was always envious of you and Rogue."

Remy couldn't help but laugh, but he didn't turn back around.

"What Rogue and I have is tragic Jean."

"What you and Rogue have is passionate. It's something Scott and I always seemed to lack. There was always love behind your arguments."

"So much love and so much passion Jean, dat we continue, day by day, to break each other's hearts. It's de stuff o'great romance."

He heard Jean's stool scratch against the floor as she got up.

"Yes it is Remy. It's exactly that."

Jean joined his side, grabbing a knife.

"Do you think you could ever not love Rogue?"

Remy stopped chopping and looked at Jean.

"No."

Jean nodded.

"And do you think, really think, that Rogue could ever stop loving you?"

Remy paused, swallowing slowly.

"No."

Jean nodded again.

"Well then," Jean looked up and gestured across the counter top. "How can I help you out here Remy?"

He admired Jean in that moment. Maybe he would stay.

………………………………………………………..

Rogue was sitting on the dock at the edge of the lake, a bottle of water in her hand.

Remy joined her side, but said nothing. He had a handful of small pebbles that he began to throw into the water.

"Ah think Ah'm falling back in love with you Remy."

Remy nodded.

"You've always loved me Rogue."

He could feel her hair brushing against his shoulder as she nodded no.

"Ah wouldn't have left you to die if Ah had loved you."

Remy smiled and looked down at his now empty hands. She never really understood.

"Dat just meant you didn't love me well enough chere. But you loved me."

Rogue gave a sigh, feeling it catch in her chest as her heart skipped a beat.

"You were always so damn confident sugah."

She looked to his side, watching his movements.

"You feel it too Rogue." Remy looked up, into her emerald eyes. "De second you become confident too, we can really love each other."

Her tongue was playing with her teeth, the way she always did when she was nervous. Of course she wanted to agree with him.

Her hand slipped to his knee in effort.

"Ah left you to die."

"And you flew back a hundred times trying to find me."

"Who told you that?"

Remy smirked, one hand reaching out for her chin.

"I love being able to touch your skin now Rogue."

She smiled. And forgot.

She leaned in and kissed Remy.

"Are you still married to that woman?"

Remy nodded. "Non chere."

"Will you stay here then?"

"Of course Rogue."

……………………………………..

Remy slipped the bottle of pills into the bedside drawer, next to a pile of throwing spikes. He looked at them and smiled. Reaching beside them, he pulled out a deck of cards.

He would stay Remy LeBeau in these premises, not the man he had become after Antarctica. He knew though that abandoning the feelings that had arisen after that time period would be a useless feat.

So, next he pulled on the tight navy blue spandex of the X-Men uniform and smiled at the simplicity of things.

As he walked out the door, he felt her beady eyes. She was curious. He looked down to the small girl, returning her curiosity, mainly because such a strong presence swelled from her.

"Hello dere petite," Remy whispered.

"Hi."

Her voice was soft, delicate like her mother's.

"What can I help you wit' Rachel?"

"Who are you mister?'

Remy gave a slight smirk and bent down to her level.

"You've met me a couple o'times Rachel. I'm Remy, remember?"

"You don't seem like Remy."

Her green eyes were stern, her position firm as she watched him.

"Well petite, you never knew me."

Remy shifted his weight. Her eyes were far more intense than her mother's. More like Rogue's.

"I feel something."

She was so quiet. She must have been unsure of herself.

Remy stood up.

"Rachel, have your mutant abilities developed?"

She shook her head no as her eyes widened.

And then she took off.

Remy headed towards the danger room. The young girl was strange, but she brought forward feelings he hadn't experienced in a long time.

He would forgive her, her curiosity, even if she may never forgive him.

…………………………………..


	4. You wouldn't dare

Disclaimer: Marvel's, not mine.

Thanks to my reviewers, sorry for the delay.

I wasn't sure I was going to finish this story. But, I will try my best amongst my busy schedule. It's my last year of college. Huh. Anyway, this is a short chapter, but meant to compensate until I get the next one up.

You wouldn't dare.

……………………………………………………….

Remy met Rogue for drinks after his mission that day.

She was smiling as he greeted her, a rarity from her, he felt.

He ordered a beer and watched her sip her gin and tonic.

"Does it feel good to be back with the X-Men?"

Remy smiled at the bar tender as she set down his drink.

"I suppose."

There was a long pause. Such time between them.

"Remy, what have you been doing since Antarctica?"

He knew she would ask these questions. He sipped his beer and looked her in the eye.

"I went back to what I do best chere."

Rogue nodded in understanding, her eyes scanning the table, her drink.

"How did you get back from Antarctica?"

That was the question he was really waiting for.

He smiled.

"I spent a week in the snow." Remy sat back in his seat as Rogue looked up, a saddened expression on her face.

"I should have died Rogue. I was saved, but I was too delusional to see who it was. I found myself back in New Orleans, under de care of my good father."

Rogue caught his bitter expression. She reached a hand out for Remy's.

"We've missed so many days together sugah. And it's all my fault."

Remy's eyes narrowed in remorse of her words. He felt for her in that moment.

"We've got plenty of time for new ones chere."

She smiled, but she wasn't happy. This had been killing her for a long time.

And it had been killing him too.

…………………………………………

It really does happen that fast. Remy's eyes could wander up and down Rogue's body with desire, but a sick sense of disgust would follow closely behind. And it only made him want her more.

There is an intense jealousy and anger behind such love.

He sat in the Danger Room computer room, controlling the session down below while simultaneously looking through his teammates files. Just for fun.

He heard the red alert alarm go off behind him, but his muscles didn't freeze in fear of being caught looking at what he shouldn't. His movements didn't change at all, but remained constant, as a good thief would.

It was an alarm for another mission and another chance.

Remy sat back and watched the X-Men clear the danger room. Such vigilance and determination. If they were seen as heroes by any of society, they were seen as the model citizen. Always willing to help those in need. To put others before themselves.

And it was all bullshit. Remy stood up from his swivel chair and began walking down the hall, down the stairs.

He could see the team up ahead, speaking amongst themselves as they rushed to the meeting hall. His pace had quickened, but he wasn't really in a hurry.

His eyes were only on Rogue. He wondered how much longer he would love her. Most days he knew he would love her forever, no matter what. But on the rare occasion, he would think that silly.

Remy caught up to the group and reached a hand out for Rogue's upper arm. She turned around and smiled. She was happy he was there. He felt her fingers brush over his in reassurance. His heart always swelled, but today, in this moment, he knew it would probably never be enough for them.

He was worried, however, that they may continue trying until they were dead.

…………………………………

She kept itching the tip of her nose as if she were bored.

Rogue watched the little girl from across the table. She ate her cereal in careful spoonfuls.

Rachel knew she was being watched, and her eyes would glance up every once in awhile. She slurped the milk out of her bowl, and set it down with a quiet thud.

"Is your boyfriend gone?"

How old was she again? Rogue thought, slowly removing her thoughtful hand from her chin and setting it on the counter by her coffee.

"Um, yes, he is sugah. He's on a mission."

"Do you think he'll come back?"

Rogue's eyebrows narrowed. She thought quickly to the mission. Just another mutant causing mayhem in the downtown area. It hadn't sounded serious.

"Why wouldn't he Rachel?"

The girl shrugged her shoulders and swiped her finger around the bowls edge, collecting leftover sugar crystals.

Rogue nodded when the girl didn't respond and slipped off her stool, heading for the patio door.

She could see Jean washing dishes as she exited the mansion, and felt a flashing feeling of relief that she had never married Remy.

Her head was dizzy as she sat down on the wood paneling and let her legs swing over the short edge. She swallowed and let Ororo join her side.

"Does it seem strange to you that Remy is back?"

Rogue's eyebrows narrowed, but she tried not to let the shock of the question develop in her tone.

"No. He needed to come back."

Ororo nodded, but a tiny laugh emitted her throat.

"I just didn't' think he would stay Rogue."

Ororo's eyes were looking down in her lap. She never looked down. She was regal, and always held such a higher sense of maturity than most of the X-Men.

"Do you wish he hadn't stayed Ro'?"

Of course Rogue's eyes were piercing Storm's. Ororo looked up.

"Yes Rogue. I wish he had left."

Rogue felt herself stand up instantly. Reacting so swiftly. She would protect Remy from everyone but herself. He could hurt her, and he had, and she would still defend him.

"You're his best friend Storm. He'll tell you things he won't even tell me!"

Ororo smiled.

"Remy is smooth Rogue." Ororo stayed seating, but glanced up at Rogue. "He loves you Rogue. And he loves me. But, that doesn't always mean everything."

Rogue shook her head as she watched the X-Jet fly above them, slowly descending.

"What does it mean then Ro'?" Her eyes still on the jet.

"It means he will do anything without reason."

Rogue nodded absently and began heading back inside to greet Remy. Most people would say this wasn't a relationship, not with all of the cheating, lying and deceiving. But, as Rogue smiled, pressing the elevator button, she knew that it was those qualities that meant it was a relationship.

She would have to hold her breath, if not her tongue this time.

……………………………………………………

The team sat around the dining room table in relative silence. The clinking of glass, and forks scraping across plates was louder than the low level talk. Everyone was tired.

Remy was whispering quietly to Rogue at his side, a glass of wine hanging precariously from one hand. He enjoyed watching her and her every movement. It made him smile, and it made him forget everything she had ever done to harm him.

"Remy." Jean's index finger poked Remy gently in the arm to his right.

Remy interrupted his conversation with Rogue and turned to Jean.

"Oui?"

"I meant to tell you earlier," she paused, considering her words. "I was sorry to hear about your father."

Remy froze, but no one else, except perhaps Wolverine would have noticed his movements. "Um," he gulped quickly, but did not turn to Rogue. "Thanks Jean."

Taking a long gulp of his wine, he slowly returned to his conversation with Rogue.

"What did she mean by that Remy?"

Remy was thankful for Rogue's quiet tone.

"My father was hospitalized recently. Heart problems."

Rogue nodded. "Ah'm sorry Remy."

Remy shrugged, not knowing what else to say.

"Shouldn't you be down in New Orleans then?"

Another long sip.

"Non chere. It's not that serious."

"Oh."

Her sip was longer. And the clanking and swishing and chewing once again covered every word.

……………………………………………

Rogue sat down in front of the computer with pause. She looked from left to right, but she was alone, as she was supposed to be. It was her shift after all.

But she typed the name in slowly, as if it would set off a red alert alarm.

Jean Luc LeBeau.

Swiftly, the older man's photo appeared before her. Rogue's fingers had remained hovering above the keyboard. The first sentence of his profile answered her question.

Status: Deceased.

She looked at the date of death next.

Her arms collapsed on the keyboard, and then she let her head rest as well. She didn't' want to cry though, not yet.

Jean Luc had died the day after Remy had been abandoned in Antarctica.

Remy hadn't returned home after Antarctica like he had said. So where had he really gone?


	5. old habits

Disclaimer: Marvel's, not mine.

Thanks to my reviewers! You're questions can probably only be answered once this story is finished, but it shouldn't be that complicated.

……………………………..

He was outside smoking a cigarette as if he had never quit. He wore a pair of black leisure pants, and nothing else, his hair disheveled from sleep.

Rogue loved him like this, even with the cigarette. But she wondered if he was even the same Remy she had come to love.

"It's a bit early for you t'be up, ain't it chere?"

His eyes didn't meet hers, the cigarette dangling from his lips dangerously.

"Ah thought you'd quit smoking Remy."

Two fingers wrapped around the white stick, pulling it from his mouth slowly, dislodging it into the cement step of the entryway.

"No one ever really quits their bad habits Rogue." His eyes rolled up to face her, his trademark smirk lighting up his face.

Rogue sat down beside him, but made sure not to touch him.

"How did your father die Remy?"

Remy smiled and looked down at the pack of cigarettes at his feet.

"You're quite de sleuth dere petit."

"You reserve 'petit' for the younger ones Remy. Be straight with me." Her eyes were burning, but he didn't notice.

He looked back up, the annoying smile still on his face.

"You are younger Rogue."

"How did he die Remy?"

"I don't know chere, I was busy dying in de snow," Remy replied with annoyance.

Her eyes half closed as she nodded.

"We've gone over my apologies on that Remy. Where have you been?"

Her tone had turned to pleading and her fingertips reached out for him, but he ignored those too, reaching instead for another cigarette.

His fingertip lit up a bright pinkish red against the cigarette. She had missed that move during the years she had thought him dead. But, now it was just a distraction.

"I was alone Rogue. I was brought back to de United States by an anonymous source. My father was dead. Killed by de hands of an assassins guild because of a bad deal." Remy snorted and took a long drag from his cigarette. "I was better off alone anyway."

She rested her hand on his bare arm. "Remy, Ah am sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it in dis world chere."

But his fingers reached up and curled around her own anyway, grasping them tight in some form of reassurance.

…………………………………………

"I was looking through some old photos this morning Rogue," Jean began, as Rogue poured herself coffee later that morning. "And I came across this great picture of you and Remy at Scott and I's wedding."

Rogue looked up as she set the coffee pot down.

"Should you be rehashing the past like that hon'?" Rogue asked as gently as she could that early in the morning.

Jean ignored her and continued. "Remy looks so young. I should give the picture to you."

Rogue set her cup down next to Jean.

"It's 6 in the morning on a Sunday Jean. What are you doing up?"

Rogue could see Jean's jaw clenching.

"I just – I thought, well, actually, I couldn't sleep. I went to bed so early last night. And, I felt like organizing."

"You felt like organizing at 5 in the morning?"

Jean watched Rogue sip her coffee, her eyes lowering as her composure wavered.

"Life is different when you're alone Rogue."

Rogue reached a consoling hand out to Jean.

"And no one knows that better than me Jean."

Jean tried a smile, but quickly removed her arm from Rogue's touch.

"You should probably know I sense a lot of confusion from Remy."

Rogue gave a nervous laugh. "That's not that surprising Jean."

Jean let her finger run around the rim of her cup.

"I know, its just, his level of nervousness hasn't changed since he first arrived here. And he's been her for over a month now."

"What are y'trying to say Jean?"

The older woman met Rogue's eyes.

"It's probably nothing Rogue. But, in the past, Remy has kept his emotions at bay. I rarely ever saw them. And now they are so close to me," Jean paused. "As if he is having a hard time containing them."

Rogue nodded, unsure of what to say.

It was Jean's turn to console.

"Just talk to him. Find out why he is nervous. He shouldn't feel that way here."

And once again she nodded.

"But can you blame him sugah?"

…………………………………..

Rogue awoke a week later to the sound of rain hitting her window loud and hard. She had left her balcony door open, and moaning, she rolled out of bed and stumbled over to close it.

The rain was hitting the ground like needles, but Rogue stopped and took a deep breath, feeling a sense of refreshment.

She wondered if Remy could take moments like these outside anymore, or if his time in the snow had destroyed them.

She pulled her robe closer to her chest and shivered. Looking back at the clock she saw it was 5:30 in the morning. Some of the X-men may already be up.

She tied her robe around her and headed for the kitchen to get coffee started. As she walked past Xavier's old office, she could see the door slightly ajar, a figure hunched over at the desk.

She crept slowly and quietly towards the entrance, fitting her slim body through the opening.

Scott Summers lifted his head up in a worn motion. If she could see his eyes behind the glasses, she imagined they would be red with fatigue.

Rogue bit her lip and moved forward with caution. Scott still hadn't said anything.

She sat down at the chair opposite him, and tried to see what he was reading. It was too dark. "What are ya doing here Scott?"

Scott looked back down at the desk, and rested a hand on his forehead in strain.

"I'm in such a terrible place Rogue."

This wasn't the leader she knew.

"Ah think Ah know a certain red head who's doing a hella' lot worse." Rogue crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair. She couldn't feel pity for him yet.

"Rogue I made the biggest mistake of my life." He was looking at her again. At least she thought he was.

"Uh-huh."

"For the worst reasons possible. And I lost the love of my life because of it."

Rogue stared at Scott with measured eyes.

"What happened Scott?"

"I honestly don't know now Rogue." She could hear the shakiness in his voice. "One day, I just, I don't know, I never wanted to hurt Jean."

"Then how did you do it?" Rogue asked with incredibility.

"I don't know Rogue. How did you leave Remy to die in the snow?"

Rogue sat upright. Of course he would bring that up. Everyone did. And they always would.

"That was different Scott. Ah absorbed Remy and everything he was feeling. You left Jean in cold blood for another woman!"

"It wasn't cold blood Rogue. I just needed something different." Scott sat back with a loud sigh. "And once I got it, I realized how worthless it was. And now I just feel sick."

Rogue stood up. "Well, Ah don't know what t'tell ya sugah. Except you best leave before the rest of the team wakes up."

Scott shook his head. "I'm here to see Rachel. I need to see my daughter."

Rogue nodded in understanding as she headed for the door.

But really she didn't understand, despite everything she had done to Remy.

"Good bye Scott."

She could feel him nod.

………………………………………..

"Scott's here," Remy mumbled as he opened the refrigerator. "Just thought y'should know Jean."

Jean sat up straight and quickly covered her left hand and the wedding ring that still remained on her finger.

"Did you see him?"

"Don't y'guys have some sorta connection that allows you to feel each other's presence?" Remy asked, ignoring her first question.

Jean slumped back down in her chair. "That bond disappeared a while ago Remy."

Remy poured milk over his cereal and sat down on a stool at the counter, looking over to the table at Jean.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, eh Jean?"

There was a pause as Remy crunched his cereal and Jean looked down at the table.

"Don't take this the wrong way Remy, but, do you even want to be an X-Man anymore?"

Remy smiled, his spoon in mid air. "What's de matter Jean, sensing something?"

"Just nervousness."

Remy scoffed. "Yeah, well I'm never sure when another X-Man may want to try and kill me." There was a slight sense of sarcasm to his tone.

Jean smiled in sympathy. "Of course Remy. It takes time to heal all wounds."

Remy stood up and moved to the sink to wash his bowl out.

Jean played with her wedding ring as Remy moved on silent feet to the door. He turned just as he was about to leave.

"To answer your question though Jean. No. I don't really want to be an X-Man. Not anymore."

Jean sat up, slightly taken off-guard, and quickly she tried to entire his mind.

_"Why Remy? Why are you still here?"_

Remy stopped in the hallway.

_"For love Jean. Now get outta my head."_

Remy smiled as he felt Jean leave his thoughts. It seemed love was a good enough answer for everyone.

………………………………………….

Remy watched Rogue change without her knowing. Quietly he stepped up behind her, his arms slipping around her bare waist.

She stood in just her bra and underwear, but she didn't flinch or shiver at Remy's touch anymore.

"I like dis outfit best chere."

"You would sugah." Her voice was soft as she spun around in his arms to face him.

"Ah can't remember how Ah lived without being able t'touch you Remy."

Remy smiled and kissed her lips softly. His hands went down her back, her smooth skin, and wondered how he would ever be able to let go.

He would forget pain in times like these. Everything was ok here. And he knew she felt the same. Her hands slipped inside his shirt, fingers playing around his waistline.

She pulled him tightly to her, and he moaned slightly. He wasn't sure if in pleasure or the pain of thinking about pain.

He kissed the side of her neck and wished he could do it forever. He wanted his lips to meld to that patch of skin on her neck. To forever have her touch.

He pulled his shirt over his head as she unbuckled his belt and jeans. He was glad that they had at least been able to become familiar.

They lay on the bed naked together, Rogue's body meshing perfectly on top of his.

"Remy," she started slowly, eyes at his neck. "You want to be here, right?"

Remy rolled over, placing himself on top of her.

"Rogue, dis is my favorite place to be."

She smiled with the lips that Remy would always love best, and he kissed her with tears in both their eyes.

This would be the last perfect hour.

…………………………………………

"Scott. We need to work out a schedule."

Scott set Rachel down carefully and watched her run to her drawing table.

"I was afraid you would say that."

"Can we talk in the kitchen?" Jean's voice was stern, and Scott felt his heart freeze at lost opportunity.

"Sure Jean."

He followed her downstairs, knowing Rachel would be alright by herself for a few minutes. She was smarter than most her age. She understood something that he was afraid he didn't.

Scott walked slightly behind Jean, in an effort to watch her. She was still the most beautiful woman he had ever met, despite his disloyalty.

Jean leaned against the kitchen island, and Scott stood opposite her, the counter between them.

"How are you Jean?"

"That's a stupid question."

Scott nodded and began to fidget. She was much more intimidating now. Now that he had tremendous guilt on his side.

"Look," she began. "We need to figure out what to do about Rachel. We're lucky she's as mature as she is for her age already. But, her daddy can't just show up whenever he's tired of fucking his girlfriend."

Scott winced. "Jean, really."

"Really what Scott? We only see you once or twice a month now. Am I really so far off?" Her red hair seemed to be flaring as she leaned across the counter.

So Scott leaned in too. "Yes Jean. Yes you are far off."

Jean smiled bitterly.

"I'm an idiot Jean. I love Rachel. I can't stand to be without her."

He could see her lower lip trembling.

"But I miss her mother just as equally."

Jean looked up, but downcast her eyes quickly.

"Don't lie to me Scott."

"You know I'm not lying. You can read my mind."

Jean looked up, tears developing. Scott leaned further across the counter and kissed her.

It was a fiercely emotional moment, but Jean pulled back quickly.

"Oh my god."

"I'm sorry Jean," Scott began, but she placed a hand in the air to stop him.

"It's Logan Scott. He just sent me a distress signal."

……………………………………………..

Remy stood by the lake looking back at the huge mansion.

From here he could see the X-Men's variable hidden resources, from the hatch in the mountain, to the numerous security systems in the front yard.

They hadn't even changed their security since he had left. He smiled. Of course, not everyone was a thief like Remy.

"What're you doing out here bub?"

Remy shrugged, but didn't answer.

"Taking a break from training? I thought it was your day in the Danger Room?"

Remy nodded.

"Oui. I guess it is."

He could feel Wolverine's eyes roam over his black, slim line attire.

"You're dressed for it Cajun. What's going on?"

Remy knew Logan was fast, but he also knew he was faster. His lit up throwing spikes flew into Wolverine's face quicker than the man could react, scarring his face and knocking him to the ground. Remy had used a high level of power.

It would be a little while before the old man woke up.

He looked down at Wolverine, a new slew of spikes in his palm. But, turning swiftly, he headed back towards the mansion instead.

And he could not wipe the smile off his face despite his aching heart.


	6. we'll both forget

Disclaimer: Marvel's, not mine.

Alright, I'm posting the last two chapters at the same time. I'm sorry if this story was slightly confusing, but thanks to all my reviewers! The last chapter is very short, but its more of a conclusion than anything else….

……………………………….

Remy watched the goddess of weather bent over her garden, shoveling away at the soft dirt. Always tending to her garden.

He walked slowly towards her, knowing that aside from Logan, she would be the only other to sense his steps.

But she didn't.

"Whatcha working on Stormy?"

Storm looked up with a slight smile, and took her rubber gloves off.

"I'm planting my garden vegetables for the summer."

Remy knelt down beside her.

"Any hot peppers?"

…………………………………………..

Jean ran as fast as she could through the grass towards the lake. Scott had run off to make sure Rachel was alright. She could see Logan's body along the edge line, and was just hoping he was alive.

Her hand flew to his neck, checking for a pulse. Of course he was alive. There were tiny explosion like markings across his face that had caused deep incisions. Jean let her fingers hover above them, but she could see his healing power at work already, slowly closing them up.

Quickly she sent a warning call out to the X-Men.

They were under attack, and she was afraid she knew by whom.

…………………………………..

"Of course there will be hot peppers my friend. Just for you."

Remy smiled again, and watched her turn back to her garden.

"Is there something else I can help you with Remy?"

Just then Storm sat up straight. Remy recognized the analyzing look that clouded her features. The look of receiving a message.

Remy wasn't receiving it. And he knew why.

"Would you really have never left me to die Storm?"

Ororo looked slowly, and slightly fearfully into Remy's eyes. She had such wide, blue eyes.

"What is going on Remy?"

"Did you love me Ororo?"

He could see her mouth stutter, her regality draining from her confusion.

"I love you Remy but-

"But you never came looking for me. Not once, eh Stormy?"

He could see her arch back on her heels in preparation.

"You were dead."

Remy smiled and looked over to her garden, causing her gaze to look down as well. It was all he needed.

He slit her throat with the blade up his sleeve, and laid her down gently in the grass by her garden.

"No chere, I wasn't dead. I was waiting. But no one ever came."

Her eyes had turned white as she died. And he was sad to walk away from her.

……………………………………………………..

Jean had to use her telekinesis to transfer Logan away from the side of the lake. It was a slow process, but she couldn't sense anyone nearby, which meant Logan's attacker would likely not disturb them.

She had tried to wake Logan up, but he had been out cold.

Jean moved along the outside of the house, sensing movement inside.

Her eyes, so trained on moving forward, almost failed to look down and see Ororo.

Jean knew she was dead before she dropped Logan in the grass to check the woman's bleeding neck for a pulse.

A knife wound, too deep for any hope.

Storm was dead.

……………………………………………………….

The younger trainees were away today. It was Sunday. Their time off. Remy had known that.

Remy also knew the team was now on red alert, possibly on the look out for him, since he hadn't received a telepathic message. Yet the mansion was so quiet.

He headed upstairs first, wiping Ororo's blood off his knife and sticking it in the pocket of his boot.

Scott exited Jean's bedroom as Remy walked down the hall.

"Remy?" Scott acted surprised at first. He hadn't seen Remy since Antarctica. "Did you get Jean's distress signal?"

So she hadn't mentioned Remy. Maybe.

"Oui. I was just on my way up here to check things out," Remy replied smoothly.

There was a pause between the two men. Perhaps awkward for both.

"What're you doing here anyway Scott?" Remy shimmied to the side to stop Scott from moving downstairs.

"I, uh, I was here to see Rachel. Is there a reason you're stopping me from heading downstairs?"

"I already checked down there. Nothing." Remy smiled.

"Well, then, I should probably let you know that Jean warned me about you Gambit."

"Oh," Remy looked to the side, waving his hand in the air. "I don't' go by dat name anymore Scott."

Remy pushed the man into the empty doorway. They had the same physical build. Remy was slightly leaner, but just as strong.

Scott's hand went immediately to his glasses.

"What are you doing Remy?"

"You were probably the one dat ordered the team not to go back to Antarctica, non?"

Scott's hand remained unmoving by his glasses.

"It was Rogue's decision to leave you there Remy. We all thought you were dead."

Remy pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it up.

"So, the team just flew off in that jet, knowing I'd been left behind, and no one said a word? No one thought, that despite what I'd done, I didn't deserve to die?" His cigarette waved languidly through the air in with his loud gestures.

Scott straightened his jaw. "You did deserve to die for what you did Remy."

"I didn't kill a single Morlock Summers. But your pretty wife has killed millions."

Scott lifted his glasses, the red hot blaze shooting out. But Remy had known that would bait him. And in Scott's inability to see as he shot blindly at Remy, the Cajun moved closer, kicking Cyclops in the stomach, while simultaneously dropping the cigarette to the ground.

In his surprise, his glasses fell to the floor, and Scott immediately flew a hand to cover his eyes and keep them closed.

But, he could hear the crunch of his glasses breaking as Remy placed his boot over them. He knew Gambit could place himself anywhere in the room, and Scott would never know where he was.

Scott also knew he couldn't shoot randomly, hoping to hit him.

Rachel was hiding in the closet.

"You know Scott, for some reason, I'm more angry at you for something else."

Scott stood up and backed against a wall, eyes still closed.

"What's that Gambit? That I have more honor?"

Remy laughed out loud at this.

"Actually, its that you don't."

Scott felt a quick breeze and knew Remy had just passed close by him.

"You left your wife and child, because another woman seemed more interesting for a few moments."

Scott scoffed with disbelief.

"Remy you've slept with hundreds of different woman since you've known Rogue."

"Your daughter's smart Scott. I think she already has de ability to read people's minds."

"What do you want Remy?"

"The X-Men are falling apart Cyclops."

Scott swallowed.

The explosion hit his gut like fireworks. Blood trickled from his mouth, but he was already dead.

Rachel crawled out of the closet slowly moving towards her father.

Remy had known she was in there, but he had hoped she would stay behind the door, unable to see.

As she neared Scott's body, her tiny hands began to slip through his blood.

Remy kneeled beside her.

"Rachel?'

She looked at him with wide green eyes, brimming with tears.

"Are you going to kill me?" Her voice was so small, so young.

"Petit, you're going to be fine. You're going to learn t'live for yourself, you understand me?"

Her lip trembled, and Remy wiped a few stray tears from her cheek.

"I'm sorry petit."

……………………………………………..

Scott Summers had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Remy was very familiar with that situation.

There was one more person he needed to see, and he had left her asleep on her bed one flight up.

"We trusted you Remy."

Remy smiled and swung one foot around gracefully to face Jean Grey. He wondered if she knew about Scott yet.

"No you didn't Jean. I'm not sure I've ever been trusted."

Her pink bubble surrounded Remy, pinning him to the wall. He was three doors away from Rogue.

"Were you going to kill Rogue too?"

Remy's expression fell slightly, a move a thief as professional as him never let happen. His mouth parted open, just a little.

"You killed Ororo without a second thought Remy." She looked deeper into his eyes, searching for what she could not see inside his mind. "You need help Remy. The X-Men can help you."

"You can help me forget about my fingers being so fucking cold they nearly fell off?" His tone was soft, far from malicious. "You can help me love the cold again?"

Jean moved closer, the pink bubble still encompassing Remy. She tried to soften her expression too, to warm to him.

"Remy everything takes time, but telepathy can really go a long way."

Remy smiled, and looked to the ground. He was hovering a little above it.

"I don't know what's wrong wit' me Jean. I was a different person when I left Antarctica."

"That is understandable Remy, but it's going to be okay."

Jean sent out a telepathic vibe, and was surprised when Remy let her sense his outer emotions. He seemed to be telling the truth, to truly feel upset for his actions.

She released the pink bubble and watched him slide against the wall to the floor.

Jean kneeled in front of him, placing a sympathetic hand on Remy's shoulder.

"Remy, I'm going to have to take you down to containment. I promise it will only be temporary, alright?"

She watched Remy's shaggy auburn strands nod up and down in understanding.

And then she felt his fist slam into her gut.

Surprised she tumbled backwards, her balance picking her up onto her feet. But, Remy was already up, a sick smirk on his face. He reached out and pulled her in close by the collar of her shirt. She could feel the heat of his kinetic energy warming her shirt.

He kept his face so close to her, his nose practically grazing her forehead. She couldn't look him in the eye.

"I don't think you woulda been so nice if you'd known I'd just killed your husband chere." And with that he slammed her against the wall, her shirt still charged.

He watched her eyes widen, water already brimming around the edges.

"Guess that connection o'yours really is dead."

"Remy, what, I don't." Jean's normally articulate nature froze as her emotions took over.

Remy kept one outstretched hand towards Jean, the one she assumed he was controlling his kinetic power with, while the other rubbed a hand through his hair.

Strangely enough, a tear ran down Remy's right cheek and he began to nod.

"I ain't gonna kill you Jean."

She tried not to show her relief. She didn't really believe him anyway.

"But I still need to see Rogue, and I can't let you stand in my way."

Jean looked down at her shirt and wondered how quickly she could rip it off before it would explode.

Looking down gave Remy enough time to whack the back of her head with his bo staff, knocking her out.

Remy drug Jean by her wrists into the room he had left Scott and Rachel. The girl was still at her father's feet, looking strangely calm.

He left Jean on the floor and looked at Rachel one more time.

"You knew this would happen, didn't you petit?"

The girl didn't blink, but she nodded, slowly.

Remy nodded back, eyes to the floor as he quietly moved out of the room and shut the door, jamming it closed with a chair from the hallway. It wouldn't hold an X-Men, he knew that.

That was alright, he and Rogue were going for a ride anyway.

…………………………………………………..

On the way to Rogue's bedroom, Remy remembered Jean's telepathic warning call, and moved cautiously to the door.

He couldn't' hear anything behind it, and was slightly surprised, that had she heard or received the message, he hadn't yet seen her.

Of course he had given her his power suppressing pills with the hope of leaving her drained.

As he opened the door and saw her lying asleep still on the bed, his heart caught and his head began to feel dizzy.

He really didn't know who he was anymore.

He was sure he loved her. But-

He moved closer, his feet silent against the wood. He put one knee on the bed, letting it sink into the comforter. She didn't stir.

Remy lay his body alongside hers, reaching one finger out to run through her hair. A thin sheet was draped around all of her naked curves.

Suddenly her eyes snapped open, blinking rapidly before she realized where she was.

"Remy?"

"Oui chere?"

"Ah had the strangest dream."

Remy smiled, his hand cupping her face.

"I need to show you something Rogue."

She smiled and stretched across the bed.

"Right now?"

"Right now Rogue."

Remy jumped out of bed and moved towards her closet.

"Whaddya want to wear? How bout' a nice dress?"

"What do ya have planned swamp rat?" Rogue asked playfully, slinking out of bed and slipping on her underwear.

Remy threw her a solid green summer dress and smiled.

"Slip that on chere, and I'll show you."

He watched her dress without the slightest suspicion in her eye. He smiled lightly and knew that he really loved her.

But, he also knew it could be easier than this. This constant whirlwind between arguments. All of the struggles. They didn't have to exist.

She reached out for his hand when she had finished dressing.

"Why don't you fly us down to de garage chere?"

She looked perplexed, eyebrows arching.

"Why Remy? We've got a perfectly fine front door."

Remy pulled her in tightly, regret beginning to finally seep through his still fragile form.

"Because I love flying wit' you Rogue."

She smiled and picked them both up off the ground. Their happiness rarely lasted very long. He was always so happy to see her smile.

She dropped him lightly by his bike, and they drove off together. Her long hair blew against his neck as they headed down the highway and tears began to streak past his cheekbones. He only hoped they would not blow behind him.

There was a field that overlooked the town below, several miles from the mansion. They had come here once together.

Rogue stepped off the bike and moved forward slowly, the tall grass brushing her bare ankles. He watched her cross her arms, but she didn't look back.

Remy shut the bike off and followed her.

"We haven't been here in a long time Remy," Rogue finally spoke.

He stepped up beside her and let the breeze blow his bangs across his eyes.

"It's been a couple o'years."

They had stopped here once after a date. A date that had never wavered towards anger or frustration. It had seemed perfect.

"I've never loved anyone like you before chere."

Rogue half turned her head, smiling beautifully, closed lipped.

"Ah know that Remy."

Her eyes moved across the expansive view, her smile unchanging.

"I was stuck in Antarctica for a week."

And then her smile did fade, and she hugged herself tighter, perhaps preparing for what always came between them.

"I found shelter, back in Eric's base. I was freezing ta death chere, but you know what the hardest part was?"

She looked at him, obviously scared to look.

"What?"

"Dealing with my thoughts. Wondering where we'd gone wrong. How can two people so in love and so connected hurt each other so much chere?"

Rogue put a hand to her mouth and shook her head sideways.

"Ah don't know Remy."

Her voice was beginning to shake.

Remy pulled her in close. He stroked her hair and wondered what else they could possibly say. Effort could only go so far.

"Wolverine saved me that day."

There was a stalling pause as Rogue pulled away, wiping the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand. The shock couldn't remain hidden from her wide eyes.

"Wh-what d'you mean Remy?"

"A week later in the snow. Wolverine came wit' de X jet and saved my life."

Rogue tried to push further away from Remy.

"Bu-ut, what? How? How did no one else know?"

"I was delirious when he showed up. He had managed to sniff me out. He dropped me off at my father's mansion, and I asked him not t'say a word. He told me none of the X-Men had wanted to go back for me, but he didn't leave team members behind."

"Remy-

"I know you went back a thousand times chere, but I became a different man in that week. I was near death. Logan told me not to show back up at de mansion. He was surprised when I did, but managed not to say anything bout' de rescue."

Rogue remained quiet and shifted on her sandaled feet.

"But when I woke up a few days later, my father's house was empty, all except Tantie Mantie who'd been taking care o'me. Dere was no reason t'stay in New Orleans after I'd healed. My family was dead."

Rogue put a hand to her forehead, swaying slightly.

"Oh, either your story is making me dizzy sugah, or somethin' else is wrong."

The drug was wearing off and her powers were coming back. That's what it felt like.

Remy swallowed and looked at her. She was his ideal, his only woman.

It was now or never. He didn't know what to do.

So he leaned in, cupping her face, and he kissed her the best he could.

With her powers just returning, she didn't have full control, and Remy felt his energy being sucked away.

When she realized what was happening, she did resist. But somewhere in that quick minute, they hit an understanding without words.

So they kissed until they collapsed into the grass.


	7. soft beneath

Disclaimer: Marvel's, not mine.

………………………………………………..

Rogue flew away from Remy with his voice encouraging her. It was loud, but not dominating.

She knew that inside, she wanted to walk away too.

Her and Remy had truly loved one another, and Rogue was beginning to understand that that was part of the problem. Perhaps their expectations had been too high.

Her heart beat faster the further away she flew. The cold was biting against her cheeks, but there were no tears, not yet.

She boarded the X jet and casually walked to her seat. Eyes were upon her, but no one said anything.

Rogue spent the rest of the ride looking out the window. There was a future flashing through the clouds and her lips trembled.

But still, no tears came.

……………………………………………………………..

When Remy awoke everything was blurry. He had planned on being dead, but as images slowly began to reform, he realized he was still in the grassy field.

She was soft beneath him, but no longer warm. Remy struggled for breath as he frantically tried to shake her.

His brain was freezing, everything moving around him in his lightheadedness. His fingers moved towards her pale neck, feeling for a pulse.

It wasn't there. It wasn't beating.

Remy pulled Rogue tightly to his body, squeezing her, hoping to resurrect her, knowing that he couldn't.

She was dead. He had thought he would die, and she would live.

Remy looked off into the distance, stroking her hair, afraid to let her go.

And he thought about the future that had been predicted, the one where he would be the only survivor of the team and perhaps their betrayer.

He had imagined that future from time to time. But Rogue had always been there, by his side.

All he felt was a sick, nervous twist in his gut, and the realization that he had made a mistake.

And it would never leave him.

……………………………………………………….

Remy had gone back to Magneto's base and built a fire with the debris of the collapsed building. He was shirtless and alone and he knew he would die here.

He supposed it had been about 6 hours since she had left. No one was coming back for him.

He sat by the fire and thought his last thoughts, the sick feeling in his stomach knotting his entire body, forbidding him to think of anything else but her.

This is where he supposed he died. He fell asleep on the 5th day.

She wouldn't come back. She wouldn't find him if she did. He tried to hate her as he fell asleep, but what they had was real.

So he would love her forever instead.

……………………………………………………


End file.
